


That's Not Love

by bubble_bobb



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:48:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26159056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubble_bobb/pseuds/bubble_bobb
Summary: He was the love of my life.I was in love with him.And in my head, he was in love with me.
Relationships: Choi San/Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	That's Not Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii  
> Hope you enjoy  
> Lmk how you feel  
> Stay safe and hydrated and byee

San's breath hitches as long and slim fingers make their way into his hand, interlacing with his own. He looks to the side, his heart skipping a beat when Seonghwa smiles at him. The older swipes his thumb over the boy's knuckles in a comforting manner, squeezing his hand gently. San sighs, this feels nice. He always liked holding hands with someone but now it's even better since Seonghwa is doing it. 

  
He smiles, Seonghwa has been someone he felt very strongly towards for a few months now. He is someone San cherishes and always will cherish, no matter what. He never got the courage to tell him about his feelings in fear of losing him and breaking the band. 

  
He would never want to mess up what they have and break up something so special as the relationship between the members because of his stupid feelings. He would much rather be alone, deal with his feelings and then hopefully lose interest in Seonghwa than put his members through a hard time.

  
But when he thinks about it really hard, he might have a chance. Seonghwa always treats him so well and so gently. He does that with everyone, San has to be fair, but he feels like Seonghwa is doing things more seriously with him. 

  
He takes care of him a little more and he talks to him a little softer than to everyone else. He treats him so nicely, he cuddles with him when he is cold or unwell, holds his hand when he is stressed or sad, kisses his forehead to show love, lets him sleep on his shoulder during long car rides, calms him down when he needs it, lifts him up when he needs it the most, never stops praising him for what he does. San feels special whenever he is with Seonghwa.

  
They keep their hands interlocked the rest of the ride to their dorms, only letting go of each other to get out of the car. San looks around once he is standing outside, frowning when Seonghwa is far away, walking with Wooyoung and Yeosang by his sides, giggling and talking quietly. 

  
He adjusts his face mask and runs a hand through his hair before making his way inside their home. He collapses into his bed almost immediately after getting into his room and up the ladder, groaning as his back hits the matress firmly. He stays still for a moment, looking up at the boring white ceiling with a focused expression. 

  
What if he tried his luck today? Seonghwa showed him some sort of affection throughout the day and he feels pretty confident. He might even get the answer he wants. He shrugs to himself, this is probably the right time. What if he never feels this confident ever again? 

  
What if he makes Seonghwa think he isn't interested by not showing him any affection back?

  
He gets up carefully and makes his way down the ladder and out of the room, not bothering to close the door. He sighs and smiles to himself, taking a step towards the older's room. He knows he is in there since he saw him enter a few minutes ago. 

  
He approaches the room and puts his hand on the handle but then he stops, frowning slightly as two different voices speak to each other from inside the bedroom. He soon recognizes the voices as Hongjoong's and Seonghwa's and he smiles again. He turns a little to look through the cracked open door to see if he can enter, freezing right after doing so. 

  
He feels weird, just watching his two friends, but he can't tear his eyes away from them. His eyes wander over the two figures, his stomach turning at the sight of their hands holding onto one another. He listens closely, feeling his heart break at the words being spoken. 

  
Seonghwa isn't saying what he thinks he is, right? He isn't saying the words he so desperately wanted to hear to someone else, right? 

  
He watches with narrow eyes as the leader agrees on loving Seonghwa back the same the older does and as their lips slowly meet and press together, San's heart shatters. He stands in the hallway, watching the oldest two while his world begins to crumble. 

  
This isn't real. He must be dreaming. This is just a nightmare. He steps away and quickly walks back into his room when Seonghwa turns his head to look at him, a questioning expression washing over his face. 

  
San slips into his and Yunho's shared bedroom before shutting the door, climbing up the few steps and sitting on his bed, his eyes watering. How could this happen? He thought Seonghwa loved him, not Hongjoong. How could he be so blind and stupid, thinking Seonghwa actually felt the same. 

  
He is hurt, beyond hurt but what can he do now. He can't do anything. He needs to be happy for his friends. He needs to be happy for Seonghwa, if he is happy San is going to be happy with and for him. If only he worked up his courage earlier, he could've had him, maybe. 

  
Maybe if he told him earlier Seonghwa would say yes. But he didn't. He kept quiet until it was too late. His eyes widen slightly as the door opens again and Seonghwa steps inside, looking worried. Did he see him? How?

  
"Sannie, is everything okay?"

  
San's heart shatters once more at the sound of Seonghwa's voice, all he can think about is those three words being said to someone that is not him. He stays still for a while but then he nods his head and forces a smile, holding back the tears that a threatening to fall.

  
"Yeah, I'm just tired."

  
He says and Seonghwa nods, smiling slightly before closing the door again. San then slowly lays his head on his pillow, the tears finally making their way down his face as he clutches his blanket to his chest. Why can't he just deal with it? Why does he still love him?

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Twitter (ateezlvruwu) ^^


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